Dealing with creepers is such a normal occurrence that most massage therapists expect it to happen at some point in their career. Industry Facebook groups are filled with therapists sharing their experiences—but with all this talk, the lack of proper education on this critical topic is deafening.
I’m taking on this critical task because in order to move forward and upward as an industry, we must not only acknowledge that this problem exists but learn how to handle it when it happens and take steps to prevent it from happening in the first place. Keeping therapists safe so they can build thriving, professional and respected practices is a task that I’m fully committed to.
Who are Creepers, Exactly?
When I opened my first practice 25 years ago (and long before that), massage therapy had a much different view in the minds of the public. Therapists were commonly perceived as sex workers, lumped right in with illegal prostitution. Because of that, a significant percentage of males seeking massage naturally expected a “happy ending.”
Today, men still make up the largest majority of creepers, but women aren’t immune to being creepers.
Creepers can be both men and women who request, expect or hint to sexual services. They use direct and indirect verbal language as well as body language to attempt to convey their message. They encompass all ages and backgrounds: financial, educational, religious, race, nationality, and everything in between.
Both male and female therapists deal with creepers.
“T,” a Texas-based male massage therapist, has dealt with both male and female creepers. They typically begin by complimenting his skills with language along the lines of, “Your hands are really good …” before asking if sexual services come with the massage.
“K,” a female massage therapist practicing in Iowa, has noticed that creepers typically request last-minute deep tissue sessions, yet have difficulty expressing areas of pain when questioned. Another tactic she has noticed is creepers’ use of small talk during the massage in an attempt to soften the therapist’s boundaries before directly asking for sexual services.
In my own experience, I’ve noticed that many creepers try to break the ice by quizzically asking, “I went to this other massage place once and she offered to do “extra” at the end. Do people ever ask you for that? Is that normal?”
But Creepers Aren’t Always…
… men who request work on their thighs, groin or hip flexors. Nor are they men who request very light pressure. They don’t always use the age-old terms masseuse, masseur or massage parlor, either. And most importantly, they aren’t always men.
Are we being unfair?
These requests and terms tend to elicit a fiery response from therapists as they activate their creeper beeper. Responses often include words of disgust with an explanation that those types of services are not offered, a threat to inform local law enforcement, or a warning to never contact again.
While it’s important to trust your intuition, you should avoid judging too quickly. Without asking the appropriate questions, we can’t correctly assess their motive. Instead, men (at least those who raise our red flags) simply get lumped into one category: creeper. Clients should be vetted individually to avoid unfairly judging all men as creepers—and to identify female creepers.
To Protect Yourself, Ask Appropriate Questions
The following vetting questions will help you convey your authority position while weeding out potential creepers.
1. How did you find (your business name) today? Were you referred by a doctor or current client?
2. Are you currently having pain?
3. Is your primary focus for your massage session relaxation or pain relief?
4. Tell me a little about your (problem).
These specific questions send the message that your business does not offer sexual services while also allowing you to complete a short intake so that you can recommend the most appropriate session for the client’s specific needs. This method is most effective when a potential client calls for an appointment, but can also be adapted for email, social media messaging and text messaging requests.
If you offer online scheduling, you can easily implement this vetting strategy by automatically sending a questionnaire once a new client appointment is booked or by following up via phone before fully confirming the appointment.
Protect Yourself with Authority-Based Marketing
Before a potential client requests an appointment, provide them with marketing content that is authority-based and highlights your expertise. From your website to your social media to your print marketing, your content needs to focus on:
• Exactly what you do
• Who your ideal target market is
• How your knowledge and skills can solve their problem
I’ve evaluated thousands of therapists’ marketing content and can easily identify those who have dealt with a lot of creepers. Their websites and social media are filled with statements like, “Inappropriate sexual behavior will not be tolerated,” “All requests for sexual services will be reported to the police” and even “Massages are not sexual. Don’t ask!”
These types of statements are coming from a need for safety (and most likely a lot of aggravation). But you need to ask yourself how that can be perceived by the public. Does it come across as aggressive? Is it professional? Is it off-putting to non-creepers?
Rather than focusing on what your business doesn’t offer, I’ve found it to be much more effective to focus on your authority as it pertains to your knowledge and expertise.
What if a Potential Creeper Ends up on Your Table?
Authority marketing and proper vetting questions can’t always guarantee a creeper-free practice but can significantly reduce the chances that those clients make it all the way to your table.
No matter what type of client you are seeing (even clients you’ve worked with for years), it’s important to trust your gut as your skill in discerning verbal and non-verbal behaviors develops. However, you should fully evaluate those behaviors before choosing how you react. Here are some key language and behaviors to watch for:
• Requests for undraped massage. Creepers will use lots of “reasoning” such as being hot, linens are too heavy, linens are too scratchy, or other therapists don’t require draping. Undraped massage can apply to both genitals and breasts.
• Touching themselves inappropriately or frequently. Occasionally, a male client may need to adjust his genitals after getting positioned on the table or after you have moved his body during the session. Female clients may need to reposition their breasts in the same scenarios. These are not instances where your creeper beeper should be activated. If touching is more than simply adjusting or repositioning, or if it happens frequently in the session, it’s a good idea to ask if the client is feeling uncomfortable.
• Inappropriate sexual comments. This can be as simple as a casual joke or as bold as asking for a hand job. Early in my career, I had the jokesters as well as men who straight-out ask for what they want. Terms and phrases I became aware of included handy, manual release, jerk off, rub n’ tug and tickle my pickle. However, most creepers won’t be so bold as to outright ask. Instead, they’ll use less obvious language to gauge if you’re willing.
In all instances, I took the approach of firmly saying that sexual jokes and requests are not appropriate in any professional massage and the behavior stopped. However, if a potential client is outright asking before an appointment is scheduled, they obviously don’t pass my vetting process.
A Creeper-Free Practice
These strategies, combined with trusting your intuition, will help you repel and reduce the creepers while shining a bright light on your authority and expertise. Since I began taking these steps nearly 20 years ago, I’ve never had a creeper land on my table. Whether you’re a male or female therapist, you can have a creeper-free practice, too!
About the Author
Melinda Hastings, LMT, BCTMB, MTI, has practiced massage therapy since 1996. She holds active licenses in Washington and Texas, and is also a Texas Massage Therapy Instructor. She is a Nationally Approved Continuing Education Provider through the National Certification Board for Therapeutic Massage & Bodywork. Her CE classes are offered through her seminar business, Inspired Therapist Seminars. Her articles for MASSAGE Magazine include “6 Keys to Professional Presentation for Massage Therapists” and “The Power of Relaxation Massage: Reach More Clients by Marketing Massage as ‘Just’ Stress Relief.”
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